Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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