Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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