I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
