Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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