All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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