My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
