I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
