I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
