Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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