Porn is love you can see.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
