but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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