Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
