11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
