haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
