New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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