just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
