I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
