I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
