what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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