Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
