Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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