So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
