sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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