I want to walk on stilts...naked
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
