I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
