Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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