Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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