I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
