A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
