I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
