do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
