if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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