whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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