who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
one might say we're banned from that church
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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