btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sarcasm needs its own font
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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