im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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