I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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