I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
