yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
