i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
