UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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