Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
