Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
