You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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