Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
