Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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