I can text with my tongue
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My ATM looks so different sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
