just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
