mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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