i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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