I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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