good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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