mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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