I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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