i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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