Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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