piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Where is the hickey?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
