tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
