Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drunk is a universal language darling
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